Assurance: The Critical Leadership Quality No One Is Talking About

Take a long, deep breath. Slow yourself right down. And in that momentary feeling, there exists an important lesson in leadership.

When I think of the very best leaders I’ve worked for, although they didn’t actually ask me to do that, in their presence and in that moment, that is how they made me feel. Like we were cocooned in the space and able to relax into a conversation that generated clarity, spirit and a burning desire to get going on the current project.

This kind of focused leadership, I find, is increasingly rare.

Why?

Because, faced with the demands of the workplace, “focused leadership” most often turns into something intense and hardcore.

It’s rushed. It’s forced. And it thinks it’s getting things done, when all it’s really doing is damaging relationships, diminishing the quality of thinking and (somewhat counterintuitively) getting in the way of results.

Many of us are leading like this. We’re multitasking. We’re swamped. We’re rush, rush, rush, doing 100 things a day, most of them badly, if we’re honest with ourselves. And all because the belief is: this is what’s required.

“It’s crazy around here, so this is what it takes.”

And when we notice what’s happening, our reaction (notice: “reaction”, not “response”) is to speed up even more.

But work is not the problem. We are the problem.

As our team members experience it, all else appears to be more important than they are. Before we know it, people are holding back, becoming demotivated and disconnected, perhaps even ready to leave. And we don’t know why.

Our leadership is why.

The rare, and most powerful, form of focused leadership we’re looking for is quite the opposite. It’s a relaxed focus. Not forced, but free-flowing. Not rushed, but settled. Not closed, but wide-open.

And the feeling it creates is ASSURANCE.

Assurance is one of the most powerful leadership qualities that the literature almost never talks about.

Assurance isn’t about pretending everything is fine or having all the answers. It is the experience of being with a leader who is sufficiently composed, present and open that other people can think clearly, speak candidly and do their best work.

To check its power, consider the alternative. What does that leadership feel like? (If we can call that leadership.)

And so, I want to ask myself:

🔸 Am I bringing calm, or adding to the pressure?
🔸 When someone comes to talk to me, am I really there?
🔸 Am I rehearsing my responses, or am I really listening?
🔸 When we conclude, are we complete, or did we just finish?

Try this: 20 times a day, whisper to yourself: SLOW DOWN. Before the next meeting: slow down. Before the next high-stakes conversation: slow down. Before the next team 1-to-1: slow down.

As an experience for the other person, have your leadership create a calm sense of assurance. And ask yourself: how does it feel to be led by me?

Thanks for reading

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