Most of us are familiar with the qualities associated with great leadership: integrity, courage, vision, communication.

But have you considered that empathy should be high on that list, too?

Recently, I have seen an explosion of complaints from HR professionals and senior leaders about a lack of empathy in their team leaders and middle managers. It’s even a global issue: a recent report titled “Is Empathy Dead in America?” found that 3 in 4 people believe society as a whole needs to be more empathetic. In working life, this empathy deficiency can manifest as a lack of compassion for one’s team members, overly-harsh feedback and criticism, damaged relationships and detriment in the wellbeing of employees.

Naturally, a severe lack of empathy from management is bad for business – not least because it leads to a high staff turnover, lower quality work and workforce burnout. And in today’s ever-changing landscape, with work-life balance in flux and the accompanying pandemic pressures, preventing workplace burnout is critical.

What is empathy in leadership?

An empathetic leader is one who takes time to understand and support their team, valuing their thoughts and feelings and having an awareness of their lives, situations, emotions and the challenges they face. As Forbes reports, “Empathy contributes to positive relationships and organisational cultures and it also drives results.”

So, are empathetic leaders born or made? Empathy itself is commonly a natural trait, as research by Lund University has found, in a study which reported children as young as 2 years old appreciate the different perspectives of others.

Empathy as a leadership skill can be developed and grown, like a muscle. And like a muscle, we can strengthen it through training. Organisations themselves can instil initiatives which encourage empathetic leadership and workplace cultures, while there are several brain-based leadership practices managers themselves can use to form their leadership style. (More of those, below!)

The value of empathy in the workplace

Put simply, empathy is a vital skill for effective leadership. For employees, feeling heard and understood are primary drivers of the social brain, enhancing personal and social wellbeing and strengthening relationships as well as an increased willingness to spend time with one another, boosting collaboration and teamwork.

When employees have this sense of wellbeing, near-endless benefits follow. Employees who feel valued are more motivated, more productive and simply do better work.

(Research has shown that chefs who can see the customers they are cooking for – and thus building an empathetic connection with them – even cook tastier food!)

Support and an interest in the development and needs of a team is also a key component of empathetic leadership. This focus on support leads to a more highly skilled, better developed and more capable team than without – and therefore, a stronger business.

Leading with empathy also strongly drives engagement with the business. According to research from Catalyst, 76% of people with highly empathic senior leaders say they are often or always engaged with work, compared to just 32% of respondents with less empathic senior leaders.

The dangers of being overly empathetic

Empathy, as in basic human nature, is inherently good … right?

Not necessarily. There are some disadvantages associated with empathy in business.

Think of the quintessential and decidedly anti-empathetic caricatures you’d associate with the most successful pop culture bosses: the “You’re Fired” attitude of The Apprentice or the unflinching detached nature of The Devil Wears Prada. Those characters may be semi-fictional, but there are real-world reasons behind the idea of a successful leader being so non-empathetic.

Arguably, being highly empathetic can lead to poorer decisions from leaders.

The reason cutthroat attitudes are well documented is because they’re associated with doing what’s best for the business, above all else. When managers are preoccupied with the emotions of their team, they may become blinkered to what are actually the most effective business decisions for the team and the wider organisation, rather than the wants of an individual.

Further, human beings are complicated. That means that every member of a team has their own thoughts, feelings, worries and ideas. With that in mind, highly empathetic leaders have the potential to become preoccupied with all those concerns and feelings of their team – with a lack of focus, then, on other important areas of business.

An excess of empathy can also lead to distress for the leader: managers have a lot to deal with, let alone taking on the stress of other people’s emotions and worries too. Perhaps too much empathy can be a bad thing?

Why managers struggle with empathy

It’s understandable that many leaders struggle with empathy. They’re not uncaring people: they just likely haven’t been trained to incorporate empathy effectively into their business practices or supported to unlearn the negative ideas they may already hold – consciously or subconsciously – about the dangers of an empathetic leader.

One of the most common concerns I encounter in this area is that many managers think that they must be in control above all else – and that being empathetic would mean a loss of control.

There’s also a widely-held belief amongst business professionals that being empathetic is a sign of being weak or soft, while instead they must project strength.

There’s also often an idea that spending too much time listening to employees is passive and time-consuming; that a great leader would take action to solve a problem themselves, quickly, rather than commit time to empathetic listening.

4 coaching questions to deepen empathy

Instead of dismissing leaders who lack empathy, we must look at where that attitude comes from. Through coaching, we can address the root of the issue: what is driving that person to behave with seemingly little empathy?

Often, an inherent need of theirs is not being met – and that the organisation and its culture is complicit in creating their currently less-empathetic leadership style.

People are not simply empathetic or not. It’s a capability we all have – and all could do more of, at times! Through training, we can work to understand the leader and equip them with a coach’s specialised toolkit to develop their skills of empathy in business.

As a Brain-Based Leadership Coach there are 4 key questions I give my clients to build this communication skill and support the transformation to more effective empathetic leaders.

What’s being said that I’m not hearing?
What’s not being said I need to pay attention to?
Why are they telling me this?
What’s making this a problem for this person?

Often, solutions to core issues can be developed by asking, and working with, each of these questions. At the same time, these questions build the relevant attitudes, attention and ideologies into the everyday working culture of a team.

Creating the perfect empathetic leadership strategy

Ultimately, great empathetic leadership is a balance of empathy and anti-empathy.

Too much of either can have a negative effect on an organisation. But building the advantages of both approaches into a leadership strategy can craft incredible results that affect every member of a workplace.

That said, it’s important to understand that empathy is not easy for everyone and, indeed, can be extremely challenging for some. I’ve found that those who seemingly lack empathy most are usually those who are in most desperate need of receiving empathy towards them.

I also find it useful, when coaching with such people, that being “unwilling” (what it looks like) is not the same as being “unable” (what might really be happening).

The best way to develop empathy in those who struggle with it is to show them that it’s a deeply valuable skill to add to the leadership toolkit, an expertise in which will bring significant benefits to themselves, the organisation and the team they manage.

Crucially, we must support those that struggle with empathy in business to let go of the internal narratives they may have for not wanting to appear empathetic. These are, without exception, thought patterns worth challenging.

The advantages of a coaching approach

So, how do we achieve all this?

The solution is a coaching approach to developing empathetic leadership.

The coaching approach allows us to strike the right balance of empathy with rational compassion, while avoiding the known dangers of being overly-empathetic.

At the same time, this approach allows us to overcome the personal internal blockers that many people have which makes them resistant to their empathetic side at work – whether they realise they are doing it or not.

The ultimate goal is to combine all of these strategies inside a coaching framework to achieve outcomes more productive than any empathy-lacking leadership style ever could.

Ready to see how a coaching approach can improve empathy in your organisation? Contact me today, here.

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