A useful question to ask oneself is: “How spacious a relationship do I have with my own thoughts?”

It’s not a question many people would comprehend, let alone (think to!) ask. Because the first thought is: there is NO SEPARATION between me and my thoughts. And that’s exactly the point.

More often than not, we associate completely with our thoughts. We believe we ARE our thoughts. And that leads to limitation and struggle.

Think of a challenge you’re facing right now. A dilemma. A worry or concern. A hesitation. A fear. And if you can: isolate the (fearful) thought beneath that challenge. Can you see and feel how much of the challenge is a consequence of being over-associated with that thought? And how much better things might become (how better-able you’d be to deal) when you disassociate from that thought?

When I think back on all the client challenges I’ve worked with – and when I think back over all my own personal challenges that I’ve taken to one or other of my coaches – 99 times in a hundred, it’s an over-association with thought.

If this is feeling unhelpful ethereal and woolly, let’s get wholly practical … think of a challenge in your professional life. A major decision you’re looking to take. A conflict you’re looking to resolve. A tension with a colleague or team member you’d like to calm. Any challenge you want to work on and move forward.

Now: in relation to this challenge, think on that question: “How spacious a relationship do I have with my thoughts on this?”

What do you notice about the quality of your thinking? Where do you notice you’ve wedded yourself to a particular set of thoughts and beliefs? Which aspects of your thinking is overly-associated autopilot, versus spacious exploration of new possibilities? Where could you introduce greater space into the gap between you and your thoughts on this?

In my experience, this process never fails to lift the fog on a challenge and introduce new options for moving forward.

Try it. And build the meta-cognition habit of having a relationship with your thoughts. But not being your thoughts.

Thanks for reading!

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