“I tend to …” is a non-specific observation about the past that need not dictate my choices and behaviours in this moment.

If a client says to me: “I tend to be late for meetings …” I like to interrupt them (to model how they might interrupt themselves and their own unhelpful patterns) with something like: “Yes, but that’s the past. What would you like to choose to do, now, today, from this point on?”

That my client has been late for a, some or even all meetings are unimportant facts about past behaviour. To make those facts mean she has no choice in the future is a story called “personality”. And its invented in the moment. A misuse of the imagination that robs us of the freedom of choice that is always there.

Where’s the practicality in this? Think of a personal or professional goal that you’re struggling to move forward with. Assess it for personality-led thoughts: you’ll find self-imposed blockers that now you can undo with choice over personality.

If you want to create change in your life, know that you can base your decisions and actions on choice, not personality.

Personality isn’t permanent.

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