The perennial requirement for feedback

Delivering quality feedback is a challenge, even at the best of times. When the climate is full of uncertainty, apprehension and fragility, it’s an even trickier undertaking.

But it’s not something we can sidestep: the need to manage performance (and under-performance) is never not needed – and its absence will never go unpunished. If we omit these crucial conversations, there’ll be consequences down the line.

Add to that: when working with large-scale change, feedback and learning are crucial ingredients to successfully navigating that change. Learning Anxiety is one of the key blockers for a human brain being asked to adapt: and something we all need to manage and overcome. We can’t do that in the absence of feedback.

Eradicating bad feedback behaviour

I’ve written many times about the art (and neuroscience) of giving effective feedback that inspires, enthuses and motivates. Today, I’d like to take a different tack; and rather than discuss what comprises good feedback, instead think about bad behaviours to eradicate from our feedback habits.

What follows are 3 sins of feedback in challenging times. They are the product of many conversations with leaders and a number of seminars with teams – both on general management and leadership challenges in the pandemic, but also specific sessions on giving and getting feedback – that have reminded me how easy it is for all of us to slip into bad (feedback) behaviours, when we too are feeling the pressure.

Sin #1: Using “Tough Love” as the licence

Delivering a tough message is a key leadership skill. But when we’re under pressure (especially for prolonged periods), it’s all-too-easy to go too far the other way and take it as something of a licence to let rip, overly-frequently and overly-harshly. The result: clumsy and damaging conversations.

We don’t want to eradicate the need for a tough message, when absolutely needed. But we want to introduce some temperance and get more conscious about when is “absolutely necessary”. So, learn to take a beat. And ask yourself whether this person needs this feedback, this moment, in this way.

Sin #2: No consideration for where they’re at

When there is a constant sense of low-level threat (as is the default in uncertain situations), we have less cognitive resources available to us – and that can impair performance. What I notice we’re first to lose is those subtle refinements to our thinking, like taking a moment to see someone else’s perspective.

When it comes to feedback, this can play out as no consideration of acknowledgement for where the person is at and what they actually need, in this moment. It’s an obvious thing to say, but if someone presented you with an 80,000-word manuscript and asks what you think, it’s not that helpful to say: “I wouldn’t write that book!”

Now, whether you agree with me when I say probably all that person is looking for is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement; or you disagree and feel you must “speak your truth”. Neither of us knows what this person is asking – unless we actually ask!

So, new rule: when someone asks you for feedback, ask if the thing is finished. Ask where they are in their process. Ask what their timelines are. And ask what feedback would be helpful.

Sin #3: Offering opinions not asked for

We have all had people in our lives who love to play the helpful pessimist. That person who believes their job is to shoot holes in everything. For the good of all, of course! 😉

But opinions not asked for are not well-described as “feedback”. They’re distractions. They’re a downer! And they’re a complete waste of everyone’s time – for the feedback giver (who spends time constructing and sharing the “feedback”) and the feedback receiver (who spins the comments round and round, now stuck on what to do next).

Before offering-up opinions not asked for: ask yourself who this comment is really for. The good of the receiver? Or for you? And know that this comment (more-likely-than-not!) is about to derail this person and their project.

Thanks for reading!

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