A Quality of Thought – Transformation, by Being OK with “No”

The deeply transformational coach and therapist Byron Katie has said: “You could have anything you wanted, if you were willing to ask a thousand people for it.”

But of course, most people are not willing to do that. Most people might ask one or two people for what they want. But rarely more. And oftentimes, less! That is: no one. That is: they’ll never ask for what they really want.

Imagine, for a moment, how amazing life might be if asking for what I want was never my issue.

An opportunity. A salary increase. Increased responsibility. The next promotion. A big sales deal. Inclusion on the flagship project. Someone’s contribution. Someone’s help and guidance. Support for your grand idea.

The list of what we might gain – and the difference you might make in the world as a result – is endless. If only you were willing to ask for it.

Why don’t we ask? Because we fear rejection – a primal survival need for all human beings.

But it’s not the rejection I fear. It’s my story about rejection that keeps me from asking.

I don’t fear “No”. I fear the story I attach to “No”. The story I tell myself about what “No” means about me and my intrinsic value.

Reflect, for a moment, on what might become possible for you, if you were only willing to drop your story about “No”. And from there, play a game that seeks a “No”. Because I can’t get a “Yes” unless I’m willing to get a “No”. I want a “No” – because with all those “No’s” comes my “Yes”.

Let’s imagine two people: one “successful” and one “unsuccessful” (by any definitions you care to apply). Many unconsciously suppose the “successful” person has had nothing but a life of “Yes’s”; and the “unsuccessful” person nothing but “No’s”.

Where the truth is: the “successful” person has had both “Yes’s” and “No’s”. And the “unsuccessful” person … hasn’t asked.

Drop your story about “No”. And then seek them out. Because in your hunt for a “No”, you’ll get your “Yes”.

Thanks for reading!

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