Mentoring is a great thing.

For all concerned. And if you’re interested in being a mentor – or are already there and want to sharpen your skills – I’m not surprised.

1. Mentoring is a hugely positive contribution to the social legacy: for your mentee and for your organisation.
2. Mentoring is a powerful way to help someone move forward – and as such, for you will be deeply fulfilling.
3. Mentoring is a very effective way at making you – the mentor – better at your own job!

In this 3-part article series, we’re going to set some solid foundations for great mentorship, look at overcoming some of the common barriers and pitfalls of the mentoring relationship, and share top tips from the world of performance coaching that will elevate your power as a mentor. Here we go …

What is mentoring?

The word mentor originated in Greek mythology. Mentor was the son of Alcimus in Homer’s Odyssey. The hero, Odysseus, placed his close friend Mentor in responsibility of his son Telemachus, while he was away fighting the Trojan War. Of course, there’s then a little more to it than that. The Odyssey is, after all, an epic. But there’s its root.

From that origin, a modern-day definition of mentoring might be something like:

Supporting the learning, development and progress of another person (we’ll call them the mentee), by offering information, insight, counsel and assistance in ways that empower the mentee.

Take a moment to break down this definition. Notice key themes like supporting, learning, offering and empowering. Notice the similarities with other helping professions like coaching. But also notice distinct differences.

What is the difference between coaching and mentoring?

Coaching is drawing out. Mentoring is putting in.

Mentoring comes from a place of experience, know-how and advice – quite different from coaching. But by the same token, to sit and deliver nothing but telling, directing and advising is not powerful mentorship. There’s a balance to strike – a balance which is the difference between mediocre, good-enough and outstanding mentorship.

How does a mentor strike that balance. Here are 5 guiding principles to set your foundation.

5 Guiding Principles.

1. A relationship of equality, yet with a natural bias and emphasis.
2. The responsibility for learning, progress and results rests with the mentee.
3. The mentee’s choices on what to do, learn and ignore are NOT the mentor’s business.
4. Some results from mentoring can be identified and measured. Some cannot.
5. A collaboration between mentor, mentee and “everyday life”.

I love these guiding principles and I revisit them often. The first four remind me of just how much I need to let go of, even though I’m in a relationship where I’m probably seen as an expert. The final principle reminds me that however much I prepare and however strong my desire to introduce structure and process may be, once sessions begin, there’s no telling how life may interrupt best-laid plans.

As much as mentoring (like coaching) is an emergent process, maintaining an effective structure (both at the macro-level: the mentoring programme; and the micro-level: the basic anatomy of a session) is key.

To get you thinking at the macro level, here are 5 landmark stages to any mentoring relationship.

#1 Set-up.

Setting the tone and establishing a solid foundation from the very outset is key to a successful ongoing mentor/mentee relationship. Get the basics right first: contact details, logistics and the like. But also take time to talk about – and get aligned on – the purpose of the mentoring, the amount of structure you both want to see in the relationship, setting practical boundaries and determining an initial approach.

In particular (and not always considered by those new to the practice of mentoring): consider the various dimensions of a working relationship as you set your ground rules. Is your relationship to be: Open vs. Closed? Public vs. Private? Formal vs. Informal? Active vs. Passive? Each of these distinctions represent extremes on a continuum and for each, you’ll likely fall somewhere in the middle. But do give it thought – don’t skip these important considerations.

#2 Set-out.

If Phase 1 is to lay the foundations (“Set-up”), Phase 2 (“Set-out”) is about getting started strongly. Make the focus here getting to know one another, understanding aspirations, setting the tone for your relationship, establishing trust and rapport.

And for you the mentor: really focus on creating a safe space in which the mentee is comfortable to explore their challenges. As a mentor, your first thought might be for safety. Make it your primary point of calibration: watching for any loss of safety. And when you notice that, your only goal becomes re-establishing that safety.

Another strong theme of this early phase is to co-create agreements. Agreements are so much better than expectations: they are a creative and collaborative act. And notice that it is very specifically co-creation. Working together as equals, to design a setup that will most likely achieve its aims.

#3 Navigate.

The ongoing phase of “Navigate” is about maintaining progress and – as far as is practical and in service to your mentee – keeping on track. Of course, goals and objectives may move; and our path responds to that. But what we’re interested in is avoiding drifting. That is: going off the path. Allow space for creativity and spontaneity; but ensure you fulfil your practical functions, continually check-in on progress (together!) and continually review the approach.

This phase is a great opportunity in the relationship to develop your most powerful mentor self. As the relationship strengthens, there is more opportunity for you to challenge, to take risks, to support the removing of obstacles, and to offer some tough love. All these deeper mentoring skills take practice to develop: much of it is about listening to your instinct and intuition. If you’re new to mentoring – or new to your latest mentoring relationship – simply focus on coming from a place of service, with respect, personal investment and a deep desire to see your mentee succeed.

#4 Set-down.

As a distinct phase towards the long-term conclusion of the mentoring relationship, but also throughout: take every opportunity to consolidate learning. Support your mentee to identify key learning (especially learning that cross-pollinates to other areas of work and life), spot recurrent themes that might be useful to build on – or eliminate! – and turn useful insights into powerful action steps.

Make sure that basic hygiene factors are also taken care of, for example: reviewing overall progress. How have we done against our original objectives? Where have we excelled? Where is their room for more work? What ongoing commitments and support are necessary to take this work to the next logical level?

A final step of this phase: agree a completion schedule. The human brain likes certainty and likes to be complete. Set the tone for a final and powerful completion phase by setting its schedule.

#5 Completion.

The final step (of an individual session and of the entire relationship) is to BE COMPLETE. “Incompletes” of any kind, be they a task, a project, a conversation, a relationship, a simple thought or something else entirely, sit as open connections in the brain. It’s uncomfortable. It’s distracting. It’s far from productive and efficient. So, ensure the mentoring relationship comes to a powerful conclusion.

Your final completion conversation need not be formal or long-winded; but it does need to be thorough. Come to this conversation well-prepared to offer summaries and reviews; but also, with the intention to leave plenty of space for your mentees thoughts. Sign-off with absolute clarity on any next steps or agreements for future contact.

3 Key Skills to Develop.

Now you have your guiding principles and some thoughts on a strong overall structure. Next in the series, we’ll look at overcoming common barriers and pitfalls. Between now and then, here are 3 key skills to develop:

1. Practise establishing connections with colleagues simply through deep listening.
2. For each professional interaction in your day, give yourself a rating for engagement and trust.
3. Notice how well you are able to put another person’s agenda first.