The deferred life
“I’ll be happy when … ” is a problem.
It’s an issue for the fact we sign-up to the deferred life. A life waiting to begin. As in: I’ll be happy when I get the job, the car, the house, the life.
A life built on “I’ll be happy when” works not at all on the right here, right now.
It’s one thing to spot this kind of thinking when it creeps into our general day-to-day. But what about the very subtle expression it takes, as when forming an inherent part of our (otherwise!) positive, well-intentioned goal-setting?
Here’s how that goes …
I launch myself into the future and imagine the things I want to create and achieve. I deeply connect with the vision and from that, craft an inspiring goal. And I couple that goal with the values behind the goal. And then I say: “to leave me feeling …”
Connecting our goals to the feelings their achievement will induce is a powerfully motivating tactic. But it still creates that polarised thinking that leaves me dissatisfied, unfulfilled and unhappy, right now, in this moment.
Making a change
Take a look at your goal work now.
- Where are your goals inadvertently delaying your happiness?
- What adjustments could you make to create allowances for the present?
- What small but impactful changes could you make to be happy now?
Here are 15 thoughts to get you started …
- Acknowledge what you’ve already achieved.
- Be grateful for what you already have.
- Take pleasure in the simple things like a walk, the crossword, a conversation.
- Vote for your balance with “no”.
- Get to work on your #1 problem and make it’s solution your project.
- Expand your motivations and be happy for those around you.
- Look after your brain with sleep, water, exercise, puzzles and down time.
- Redistribute your energy: remove the energy drains, accentuate the energisers.
- Employ the 80/20 … to everything!
- Increase relatedness by connecting deeply with more people.
- Make decisions and simply decide to be happier.
- Detox, with a concerted effort to remove all toxic personalities from your sphere.
- Let it breathe, reminding yourself there really is time for the things we love.
- Get a daily dose of headspace with meditation and mindfulness – give it a go!
- Look after your brain with experiences, puzzles, mindfulness and down time.
The power of a conversation
If you’ve let your goals get in between you and the present moment – and you know when you have – why not call me for a chat to see how I can help? I’d love to help you:
- Get clarity on what’s really important to you, right now.
- Reshape your goals to better align with the present moment.
- Get you feeling motivated, inspired and energised to get to it!
Go online today and schedule a call, without obligation. And we’ll explore your potential for coaching, together.